During the darkest days of my life, every memory is pieced by the presence of light.

There are many things I didn't know before losing my son Anders to positional asphyxia in 2019, as we honor him today, read what I learned.

Loss sometimes leads to change that previously wouldn't make sense. For us, one of those changes centers around a Christmas classic.

A number of months ago, I had the opportunity to sit down with a college friend Brandon to share our story with him & his podcast audience.

What was a marginal improvement a few hours earlier was now a different food. The vanilla shines when the fire is put to the marshmallow.

We were not only asking God to give us a child, we were banging on the door of His house, crying out to Him to bring a child into our family

Boring saves lives. Safe sleep practices are all about preventing the preventable, and that is worth being boring.

When we finally did come inside, she peeled her coat and snow pants off of herself and then melted into a puddle on the floor.

Every time I think about those three days, I am glad that we had them - I'm glad that he was alive when we got to the hospital.

Walking up a hill can be like walking through grief. Having someone in your corner for each of those lightens the load.

We felt peace in the midst of the greatest trial we have faced - a peace that was unexplainable outside of the work of God.

Fitting. Whether it is at the end of a night or at the end of a life, a reminder of the ever-surpassing, neverending, love of Jesus matters.

He laid in the crib, hooked up to tubes and monitors, with the thumping sound of the high-velocity ventilator drowning out the other beeps.

In the same church I was now sitting, our pastor shared a similar announcement about Anders.

Two of our children were playing on a playground in the shadow of a hospital where their brother took his last breath.

But then there is the grief that isn't obvious, the pain that sneaks up when grieving someone.

“So Anders and I had to stop by the field today. This won’t be his last day helping me prep a field...”

“I know, it seems like for the first time in their lives, all three of our kids are playing together.”

When I glanced down, I noticed that she had a familiar silicon band on her left wrist, but by no means did Linnea have a watch.

Instead, as I chopped onions in the kitchen, I felt a fear that grips me every time Linnea or Elias is in the middle of a long, restful nap.